Say no to infantilization of the differently abled

 "Why does she need to wear a saree?" "Why don't you have Parikshit check your leave balance before you apply?" "Why don't you have your mum oversee that transaction while you make it?" "Let me ask your mum if I should feed you two chapatis or one."

I'm used to these kinds of questions and statements being thrown at me all the time.

I knew something was off, but it was not until last year that I realized it is called infantilization.

What's infantilization?

For those who are reading this word for the first time, infantilization is a form of ableism where differently-abled adults are treated as children. We are treated as something less than who we are. In doing this, the able people often make decisions for their disabled counterparts believing that they are incapable of deciding what's best for them.

On the occasion of the International Day for Persons with Disabilities, I thought it would be nice to discuss this phenomenon which is very often disguised as care or concern.

Examples of infantilization 

I remember watching an interview with a woman with visual impairment. She narrated an incident that is not uncommon for people with disabilities. She was attending a wedding and when she went to have lunch, one of the guests offered to bring her food. Interestingly, the guest not only got what she had asked for but she also got eight other items that she didn't want to eat.

Now, I understand that the guest wanted to ensure that this lady does not miss out on great food just because she can't see, but this must stop.

Our fellow humans need to understand that we know what we want. You are doing greater harm by giving us more than what we ask for.

Firstly, it clearly disrespects the person's words and choices. Secondly, it is an indirect hint that the person doesn't know what or how much to eat so he or she must listen to someone who does. Finally, it is a sabotage of the person's belief in his or her decision-making skills.

It has benefits too

On a lighter note, there are benefits of infantilization that one cannot miss. We are free from many of the expectations that society has on people. So, I can set my standard of achievement, choose a career I like, and remain unmarried or unemployed. 

The sad story

But the other side of the story is quite sad. Infantilization reduces us to an object that needs to be loved and cared for. In all these years, I've got love, compassion, and sympathy from strangers too, but respect is hard to find. No matter what I achieve, what I do, and how much I help others, I will always be seen as lesser than my counterparts. All this is only because of my disability.

I've got a gold medal, I've received awards, appeared on TV, featured in the newspaper, and worked for one of the Big Four Companies but still people feel the need to tell me what I should eat, what I should wear, where I should work and how much I should earn. It is disappointing to observe that despite all my achievements, people still think that my mother accompanies me to work to do the assigned task.

Inclusion is the solution

The only way to end the infantilization of the disabled is to expand the scope of inclusion in all aspects of life.

Respect our choices

Seek our permission

Trust our decisions

And most importantly... Don't just say "You can do it." Believe it too.