Turning 29 Without You
It didn't feel like our birthday this year. I tried telling myself that it's okay. I tried to apply what I had learnt on Instagram. The post read "Reduce your sense of entitlement. You'll be at peace." I intend to live by it. I really do. And I'm trying. I tried to apply it here, but I couldn't. I know you tried to be with me, like always, because I did too. But things aren't always like we'd want them to be and probably that's how we have a verity of experiences.
Cutting the cake felt strange. I didn't have the hand that actually does the job while I pretend. I could blow out the candle only in the second attempt, but I made a wish that it should never be the same again. I fought my tears while I did this. I fought well. Everyone's been telling me to accept the change and move on. They said it's okay and I should celebrate anyway because time is precious and these moments won't come back. I know they're right, but I'm unable to brush away the thoughts of an unusual birthday that we celebrated. Although you were around virtually, I couldn't be satisfied with that.
When someone asked me why I'm making such a big deal out of it, I didn't have an answer. I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect them to understand either because I cannot understand how siblings celebrate separate birthdays. We never saw that. In fact, for a long time I believed that all siblings celebrate their birthday on the same day. Silly, I know, but that's how natural it is for me to be with you. I don't want that to change forever!!!!!!
In this process, however, I discovered how much love we have in our lives. I was overwhelmed by the love I received when everyone came to be with me in your absence. It was so nice of them to try and make me feel less sad about it. We're so blessed to be surrounded by people who love us so much.
Despite all this, I hope and pray that we never experience this again. I pray that no matter what happens we shall celebrate this day together. I hope the universe is listening. Happy belated birthday to us :)
Cutting the cake felt strange. I didn't have the hand that actually does the job while I pretend. I could blow out the candle only in the second attempt, but I made a wish that it should never be the same again. I fought my tears while I did this. I fought well. Everyone's been telling me to accept the change and move on. They said it's okay and I should celebrate anyway because time is precious and these moments won't come back. I know they're right, but I'm unable to brush away the thoughts of an unusual birthday that we celebrated. Although you were around virtually, I couldn't be satisfied with that.
When someone asked me why I'm making such a big deal out of it, I didn't have an answer. I didn't know what to say. I didn't expect them to understand either because I cannot understand how siblings celebrate separate birthdays. We never saw that. In fact, for a long time I believed that all siblings celebrate their birthday on the same day. Silly, I know, but that's how natural it is for me to be with you. I don't want that to change forever!!!!!!
In this process, however, I discovered how much love we have in our lives. I was overwhelmed by the love I received when everyone came to be with me in your absence. It was so nice of them to try and make me feel less sad about it. We're so blessed to be surrounded by people who love us so much.
Despite all this, I hope and pray that we never experience this again. I pray that no matter what happens we shall celebrate this day together. I hope the universe is listening. Happy belated birthday to us :)
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